she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
