So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
