i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
