the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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