I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
