Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
