Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
