oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
