I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
