can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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