he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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