What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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