So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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