No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
