If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize