Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
