I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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