Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
