you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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