Please don't use social media to get back at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
