the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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