In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
