I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
