Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my being single is dangerous.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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