Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
