I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize