I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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