Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
