i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
