dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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