I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
