a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
