I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
