You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
