dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
