I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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