Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
