Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
