I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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