new low.... made out with someone while peeing
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
