I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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