Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
