I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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