I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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