Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
