just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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