guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize