How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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