i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
