no, he came in my armpit
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
