A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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