youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
