I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
