Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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