Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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