I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
