You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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