it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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