Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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