So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Houston, we have a blender
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
