I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
