just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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