Swine flu. Run for my life!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize