All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
