Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize