Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
