we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
